Non-Negotiables; The Key to a Happy Life
Ok, ok, I know that’s a huge claim but if you really think about it it’s true. We are ALL guilty of not acknowledging our non-negotiables or thinking we can get away with compromising on them. Well that might be true to a small extent but real non-negotiables are just that. They’re elements of our life that so strongly influence how we feel about things that we can’t compromise on them in the long term.
Non-negotiables are any elements which affect how we feel on a daily, weekly or monthly basis, they are tangible, time based things i.e. I must pick the kids up as 3:30 on a Wednesday or I need to climb twice a week. The latter of those is one of mine. To be truly happy I need to feel fit, see my friends and try really hard - all of these things for me happen if I climb at least twice a week. I’ve done it for years and the times I’ve felt most meh is when I’ve not been climbing regularly. Now obviously I don’t actually get to climb every single week of the year twice a week but I make decisions knowing that it is one of my non-negotiables so I get to go climbing most weeks. My coaching calendar even has times blocked out every week to ensure I get to go climbing at a time that suits me, all my clients that work with me for a while know that they can request a time that isn’t available if needed but they know that these are reserved for times when they REALLY need it, like just before a job interview or on race day.
So many of my clients say things like I have to pick up the kids every day and then later on or even in another session they might drop in how excited they are about the job they’re going for having lots of travel. That’s great but what about the kids? This is where as a coach I have to ask that exact question, not because I don’t want said client to be excited about travelling and get the benefit of that but because I need to make sure they haven’t just blinkered themselves from a true non-negotiable. For some they’ve already thought deeply about it and will have an answer, for others its a moment of realisation that they had got so focussed on one goal that they’d forgotten about the rest of their life.
Have a think about all the things in your life that make you happy or that you HAVE to do to feel relaxed and recovered. Write them all down. What do you notice?
Here are some of mine:
Climb twice a week
Cook most nights
Time outside in nature weekly
How do these affect my decisions or actions? Well that all depends on how they are impacted. Am I going to have to eat restaurant food/takeaways etc for a week or for 6 months, if it’s the latter I’ll find another way. For instance a few years ago I was asked to work abroad for 2 weeks a month for a year, what a great opportunity! After the first trip away I felt pretty low. The hotel food wasn’t particularly good and by the end of the first two weeks I’d have everything on the menu, and it was deep in the heart of the city which was a frustrating commute to the office and had nowhere green to relax in. The lack of climbing wasn’t an issue because when I was home I could climb more than usual as the money I was receiving meant I didn’t need to work when I was back but the food and lack of nature was draining for me. I called up the company I was working for and asked if I could arrange my own accommodation - “fine with us, this is the budget….” was the response I got. It was great, I found a self catered cottage with masses of parkland around it and the added bonus was it was miles cheaper than the hotel so the client was extra happy! I went from feeling like the year was going to be a bit rough to feeling fit, healthy and excited to get away. I was lucky that I could change my situation once I was in it but it would have been better if I had understood before going out the first time and asked the client right away if I could arrange my accommodation.
If you’d like to know more about non-negotiables and how to identify them drop me an email or book a free intro session using the button below and we can start to map things out.